I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
