i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
