When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My vagina is officially offended.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
