Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
