i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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