im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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