Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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