I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
