Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
