I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
