I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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