He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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