Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
