apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
