I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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