It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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