just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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