My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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