cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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