last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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