i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
