Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
