remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
