Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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