Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
