But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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