i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
