OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
