i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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