and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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