I cockslap morals
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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