Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
