You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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