So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
