I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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