So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
