he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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