I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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