"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
