I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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