Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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