someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize