HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
