i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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