textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh god it's open bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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