I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
