Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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