A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
