I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
