How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
