He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
