I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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