Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
