You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
where does the pee come out of this thing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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