He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
