That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
