in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
