just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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