two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
