Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
