6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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