I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
