you would pick up someone in the library
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
