There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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