I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
