im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
