he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
